The End

We said goodbye to Bug today. After two prior vet visits this week, and him refusing to eat, it was time.

Pmo and I took him in together. The doctors talked with us and agreed that, at this point, it was the best thing for him because things were only going to get worse and he would suffer.

We broke down crying and spent some time alone with Bug. Then one by one, the people at Parkdale started to file into the room and pay their respects. Sort of a funeral before the death. It was very moving.

Pmo and I were both with Bug when he passed on. I held his face in my hands and told him I loved him. Then he was gone. And I laid his head, which had become heavy, down on the table. We spent a few more minutes alone with him. Then it was time to leave.

The doctor put Bug in his blanket inside a box and we put him in the car. We picked up Jack at home then headed to my mom and dad's. They have a place on the hill behind the pond where they buried Simba (their pug), a neighbor's pug and our horse, Hank. I called them on the way over and Dad was already preparing the grave when we arrived.

Dad had to take Bug over in the box by four wheeler, so he gave him one last ride around the house. Bug always loved to ride with Papaw and would scream his head off the whole way. After Dad was done, we buried Bug, said goodbye again, and headed back to the house.

Pmo and I hadn't eaten anything all day, so we grabbed some food on the way home a few hours later. With just Jack. We're a threesome now. It's so weird.

When we got home, I started to clean up because Bug had left a trail of mess behind in the past few days. And neither of us felt like dealing with it. I came into the back bedroom where Bug slept, looked at his empty cage and lost it.

He's never coming out of there again.
He's never going to bang his head on the wall trying to find his way down the hallway.
He's never going to yell at me for giving him an insulin shot, or cleaning his eyes out, or anything else I do to try and help him.
He's never going to beg for bacon.
He's never going to snore.

But he's never going to hurt again either.
Bug's at peace, and now we need to rest and let it sink in.

Night, night...sweet Bugton.
We love you.

Attitude or Ailment?

I'm not very good at keeping up with one blog, let alone two, but I thought I'd write about the fur kids since I haven't posted for four months.

When people ask how Bug is doing, I always say, "okay". If I say he's good, seems like he goes downhill soon after. We boarded him at the vet last weekend so we could go to a winery in Tennessee with Pmo's cousin and visit family in Kentucky. It's always a toss up when we get back whether he'll be normal (as normal as he can be) or be fussy and not feeling well.

This week, the coin landed on fussy. Bug's been coughing, especially when we carry him outside. He can't get settled once he's been fed/watered/medicated/pottied. Which are his basic needs, besides a snuggle here and there.

Jack has been starting fights with him, too. Over food, mainly. Jack is a little dog who's scared of many things: storms, shadows, big dogs, etc. But you don't mess with the dog's food. He will eat you alive. Problem is, Bug hasn't been trying to steal Jack's food. Bug is blind and he doesn't always know where he's going. So Jack sees Bug walk by a crumb of his, and it's on. Bug lost a tooth over it a few weeks ago.

Bug's also been peeing a lot. We'll go through this from time to time. He hadn't had an accident in his cage for a long time, then all of a sudden Thursday morning there was a mess. And Friday morning. It always coincides with his increased thirst, he's been drinking water nonstop.

Despite his age and debilitating condition, I try to wait these things out and see if the symptoms will go away because his care is expensive enough as it is. I hope to chalk it up to his routine being upset by the boarding. If things don't improve, I suppose I'll be taking a pee sample to the vet next week. And it will come back clear of a bladder infection and I will have wasted money on it.

We can't not board Bug, we have places to go and things to do. We take the best care of him we can but it's trying. Bless his heart. Though he is grumpy and not the best patient, he knows what he wants and when he's under the weather. And he reacts accordingly. Can't say I blame him. Can't say I don't do the same thing.

On a brighter note, Jack turns 10 years old this month. Which means I will have a 10 year old and almost 13 year old. Time flies in fur land.

Draining...

Have you ever noticed on television or in the movies whenever someone comes home they greet their pet and don't take them outside? They sort their mail or sit down on the couch or go about their business. Real pet owners know better. The first thing you do is take out the dog, unless you want a mess. Or already have a mess to clean up.

These days, when I come home in the morning, and wake up at night, and pretty much anytime in between, my life revolves around Bug. Since his "stroke", he's been getting better, but things keeping popping up. He's having a hard time with drainage in his ear which I think makes him restless. Apparently, he has a bunch of yeast in there from what I learned at our most recent visit to the vet. He has another swollen lump between his toes, which bleeds and makes it even harder for him to walk. He's peeing all of the time. His eyes and his nose gunk up a lot. He's also draining my bank account.

I'm not going to act like this isn't affecting Pmo and me. I'm not going to act like we're perfect dog parents and are totatlly understanding, sympathetic and giving unconditional love to Bug in his time of need. We do love him and try to do what we can but it's frustrating. It's tiring. It's aggravating. Especially when you can't figure out what's wrong with him and you can't make him happy no matter what you do, no matter what need of his you think you're fulfilling. He's on eight different medications now, including his insulin which just got upped again. And his diet is all out of whack because he's being picky about what he will eat.

Two and a half weeks ago, we thought Bug was a goner and were devastated. Now I think we're wondering how long we can keep this up. The vets keep talking about quality of life and "you'll know when it's time". I don't want to put him down because he's a burden. But I don't want him to suffer either. Of course, I'd rather him pass away naturally. Only time will tell I guess. In the meantime, we try to pay Jack some attention, too, and see where this path takes us.

Down But Not Out

I'm hoping Bug has nine lives like a cat. He's used up two of them, in my opinion. The first was the diabetes diagnosis about a year and a half ago. The second was last Wednesday.

We picked up Bug from the vet ten days ago after spending several days in Florida. They told us he did great all week and he seemed fine when we got him home. Then he developed a cough over the weekend. A few days later, he started trembling like he didn't feel well. All symptoms we'd see before, after he'd been boarded for a long period of time. Doc had said, then, that he could have caught something at the kennel and to just wait it out. So I didn't think much of it. He was getting back to normal when Perry texted me Wednesday morning and said Bug wasn't walking and his eyes were bouncing back and forth.

We took him to the vet and the doctor said Bug had suffered something like a stroke. A circulatory accident to be exact. The vet said he didn't see any red flags, yet, and wanted to give him a shot to see if his head could be straightened out. We took him home and made him as comfortable as possible, both of us thinking the worst. I had to feed him by hand, he couldn't stand over the bowl. He could hardly stand to do his business outside. We had to carry him in and out of the house all day. And he still had accidents in the house despite our efforts. We called our parents and told them what was going on. It was so hard for me to go to sleep that afternoon. But it was an emotionally exhausting day and I had to work that night. So I eventually drifted off, teary eyed.

We took Bug back to the vet Thursday morning. His eyes were still dancing, like he had no control over them, but he was actually trying to walk this time. His head was pulling to the left, so when he did try to walk, he'd fall down or go in circles. But he was trying. The doctor decided to give him another shot and we left with a pack of pills to give him over the next four days and plans to check back on Monday. And gradually, each day, he got better.

I took him back to the vet today and got a new pill to add to his routine. Plus a temporary one for an ear infection. So far, it looks like he's pulled through it. His head is still pulling to the left and I don't expect that to go away. We will still have to carry him in and out (and more times a day apparently) because he can't navigate the steps. He's also become more picky about food, which I'm still hand feeding him. He won't eat his dry or canned diabetic food. I've learned he likes turkey. And will tolerate some "moist and meaty" packs. But at least he is eating, he is walking (or wobbling), and he's still fussy and loud.

So this 84 year old dog now has arthritis, diabetes, cataracts (he's pretty much blind), peridontal disease and blood pressure issues. And the ear infection. He's snoring right now and that's comforting because it's normal. It's actually quite soothing. I don't think he'll ever fully rebound, but he's not giving up. And neither are we.

The Bug Buzz

I think it's about time I gave an update on Bug. Despite an accident in the house here and there, he's doing pretty good. He's still on all of his meds. That won't change. His vision comes and goes. Some days he gets around just fine. Other days he doesn't have any idea which way to turn. I wonder if he's also going through some sort of senility as well. I find him in a corner sometimes not knowing how to get out. But he keeps on truckin'. We help him up and down the steps. We take him outside for potty breaks more than we used to. He's pretty good about letting us know by standing at the door. He basically rules the roost and the rest of us just follow. But then again, it's pretty much always been that way.

Blind Ambition

Poor Bugton. We noticed the week before our vacation that he was starting to run into things. The diabetes is causing cataracts. Some days are worse than others. We try to guide him as best we can. I'm trying to teach him "up" and "down" so he knows when he's facing steps. Other than that, he's doing well. And we survived boarding him at the vet for almost a week. He survived, too.

Jack Nap

I think you got it backwards, bub.